eat pray love

is the first book that i've finished in the year 2009. i find it oddly comforting and coincidental that i should have started the year with a book about a woman's journey towards self discovery and self awareness. or should i say that there isn't such a thing a pure coincidence because i believe that everything happens for a reason. the book reverberates my desire for fulfillment and balance in my life, and to learn to appreciate and give thanks when they are achieved. 

of course i don't think my life is at the happy ending. the universe operates in a cycle and i am obviously at a stage where everything is in a perfect balance. but it is only a matter of time before the scales are tipped and my world is hurled into chaos that i must learn to control yet again. maybe not so much to control, but to ride along, as a surfer does amidst the crashing waves. (i'm sorry but i just finished the book so my mind is still filled with Bali-esque imagery)

i am such a paradox-- a cynic and a believer all at once. 

i think the idea of a Sabbatical sounds completely gorgeous. unfortunately, things are so much simpler when one is single and have no responsibilities. i have a husband, a job and bills to pay. however, i think i can manage a month long retreat at an Ashram? not that i need it now, or that i need to get away from my man, but i happen to think that the idea of spending a month alone, finding out more about myself, in absolute quiet solitude is what I want at least once in my lifetime. no doubt, if i do "learn" all about myself the very first time around, will there be a need for a 2nd retreat?

some friends that have read the book found the India part a little to long and boring but that is exactly the bit that appealed to me most. i want that same experience that the author went through (minus the emotional baggage), the spiritual cleansing, the deep meditation, the stillness and the peace. how is it possible that somebody can feel that way? i've tried meditating so many times and know how nearly impossible it is to quieten the mind for any length of time. but i also know that it is possible, i want to learn how!  

life is also always chock-full of commitments. i also became horribly aware of the numerous things that lay before me, that will need to take precedence over everything else before i can even think twice about my lovely retreat. the end isn't the horrible part, it is the process that is unfathomably excruciating. like saving up for our US trip this summer. and next summer comes the wedding. and just maybe i can do this in 2011. that seems like an awful long time away. but maybe, just maybe, i can plot it down in my life calendar.